apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
