Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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