He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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