My girlfriend figured out who you are.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
