Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
