Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
