How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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