Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
