Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
