I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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