I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
