I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
