I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize