Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
