did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
