Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize