What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
