Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
