it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
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