Will you blow on my dice?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
When did angry sex become our thing?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
