awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
A+ Viking dick
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
