I hope my margaritas pass through security.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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