No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
