"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
