My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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