you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
