so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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