i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I am spending my child support on dildos
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
