U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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