u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
