Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
