Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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