I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize