Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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