If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
