I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
