Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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