it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
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I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
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