my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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