Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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