she was so not down for the gang bang
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
