She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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