It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
