He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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