I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
