she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
