Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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