i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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