For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
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I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
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I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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