Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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