Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
