I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
