the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
