it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
