she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
