Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
