This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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