Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
either way he was missing a nipple.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
