before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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