In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
