DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I see more hoeing in ur future
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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