Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
