Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
