awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The Olympian is in my bed
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