Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
