took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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