We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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