Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
