If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
