I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I have peed in a lot of sinks
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
