As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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