Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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