i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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