he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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