Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Sober January is a disaster.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
